I AM HERE….
I AM HERE….I AM HERE….
I AM HERE….I AM HERE….I AM HERE

“It’s Sam!”

Daniel Jackson’s certainty drew everyone’s attention. Teal’c didn’t comment as the young man explained his idea to everyone. He looked at his friend O’Neill, considering how the possibility might affect him.

“I shot her with a zat gun, Daniel. Twice.” Teal’c heard the anger in the statement. Anger that hadn’t dissipated over the long hours since Major Carter’s body had fallen to the floor of the corridor. It was an anger Teal’c had rarely observed in his friend. One without a raised voice or heated words. One without sarcastic remarks or self-deprecating humor. O’Neill’s armor, thought Teal’c. As strong as any jaffa warrior’s, yet this armor had a flaw.

Teal’c observed the rush of activity as they prepared for the attempt to return Major Carter’s consciousness to her body. With accustomed ease he kept himself in the background as Dr. Frasier and her team came up with and discarded numerous scenarios. It allowed him time to reflect upon the situation.

O’Neill was a warrior. Teal’c had understood and respected that from the very beginning. “I can save these people!” he had shouted and Teal’c had believed him. Had believed him enough to finally turn his back on the false god Apophis. Had believed him enough to discover a new home and a new friendship. Only later, had Teal’c realized that the O’Neill he had come to know had not always been so full of hope. Daniel Jackson had shared with him the story of how O’Neill had come to be assigned to the Stargate project. The death of his son. The loss of control and direction. The failed marriage. The “suicide mission,” as Daniel Jackson called it, to Abydos. The O’Neill Daniel Jackson described bore only a faint resemblance to the man he had come to know during their struggle against the Goa’uld.

That man had been prepared to sacrifice himself only to stop his pain and the memories that caused it. The O’Neill Teal’c considered a brother wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice himself either, but the reasons would be very different. He would sacrifice himself, thought Teal’c, to bring about the defeat of the Goa’uld, for the protection of Earth, for the protection of his team, and, most especially, for her. Teal’c had been in the observation room when O’Neill had undergone the second test with the Za’tarc detection device. “Because I care about her… a lot more than I’m supposed to… I’d rather die myself than lose Carter….” Teal’c had heard and he understood what it had cost his friend to fire the zat a second time.

Teal’c had understood the cost to his friend when he saw him sitting at Major Carter’s bedside in the infirmary. He had gone to share his friend’s pain, to offer comfort to him. Knowing O’Neill had deep feelings for Major Carter he had expected to find the warrior vulnerable. Instead, he had seen the ghost of the O’Neill Daniel Jackson had described to him. He had sat there, not speaking, not screaming in anger, not crying, not- it seemed- feeling. He had seemed empty. Teal’c hadn’t intruded on O’Neill’s vigil. He had stood in the doorway and watched silently. He watched O’Neill as intently as O’Neill watched the machines pump the air in and out of Major Carter’s lungs. And the ghost had become the reality. Teal’c had left without speaking only to meet Dr. Frasier in the corridor. Briefly, she explained the information she had come to share with O’Neill. He had understood what carrying out Major Carter’s wishes would mean and had known with a certainty that once the machines were turned off, the O’Neill he had come to know would be gone forever. Despite his words during the Za’tarc test, Teal’c had known he would be incapable of actively seeking his own death. Just as he had when his son had died, he would, simply, stop caring. There would come a time, soon enough, when a mistake on mission would cost his life and the mistake would be made, subconsciously maybe, but it would be made regardless. It would be his act of atonement for taking her life.

Teal’c realized nobody except O’Neill himself would blame him for Major Carter’s death. His actions had been necessary. The risk to the base had been too great to take any chances. O’Neill understood risk. They all did. The odds against them were too great for them not to understand that anyone of them might not return from a mission. If Major Carter had lost her life due to enemy fire from a Goa’uld staff weapon, O’Neill might have been able to come to terms with her death. Her death at his own hands, regardless of the circumstances, was something with which Teal’c was positive O’Neill would never make peace. O’Neill’s armor wasn’t strong enough to protect him from this.

The decision was made. Dr. Frasier was hopeful that simply providing an electrical conduit to Major Carter’s brain would allow the transference of her consciousness back to her own body. Arrangements were made quickly. Personnel scrambled to move Major Carter to the M.A.L.P. room and as they gathered there no one spoke of…possibilities. Teal’c readied himself and stepped forward. The soft click and hum of a zat gun being activated sounded loud in the room. O’Neill looked down at the gun in Teal’c’s hand without expression. Teal’c waited.

*****

Major Carter’s eyes opened.

“Is it gone?”

Teal’c watched.

“Yes, Major, it’s gone,” said General Hammond. O’Neill stepped up to stand at Major Carter’s side.

“Hey, Carter,” he said softly. “Where ya’ been?”

“I was screaming…you didn’t hear me…”

“We heard.”

Teal’c relaxed as the ghost fled. Unnoticed, he deactivated the zat gun in his hand.