Sam’s awareness returned as she shifted slightly and felt an arm encircling her. Jack. She had fallen asleep in her dad’s bunk- next to the colonel. She wasn’t surprised to find him still asleep. The sedative Dad had given him would keep him out for quite some time. Her reasons for staying when he had asked seemed vague now. She had intended to leave as soon as he fell asleep, she remembered. The reality of his presence, his heartbeat, the sounds of his breathing, however, had been such a comfort in the face of what might have been that she had stayed. Her own fatigue had overtaken her and she had fallen asleep herself.

Sam considered her options and quickly realized she had only one available after all. Carefully, she slowly slid away from the colonel and stood in the dimly light cabin. He never stirred. Without looking back down at him, she walked to the door, thumbed the switch that opened it, and stepped out into the corridor. The door snicked softly shut behind her.

Sam walked steadily down the corridor, making her way to the command center. She tried not to consider the explanations that would have to be made to Daniel, Teal’c, and her father. She wished they had made the decision return home using the nearest gate instead of the scout ship. Traveling by gate allowed no time for self-doubts or forgetfulness. You were simply expelled from the wormhole into the comforting familiarity and routines of the base. There was usually no time for thought, you simply moved reflexively through the mundane tasks of duty. Medicals, reports, debriefings- such things were comforting in their inevitability. Duty was, at times, a refuge, she decided.

Her father and Teal’c were sitting at the console, speaking quietly. They turned as she entered the room.

“Sam,” said her Dad as he stood. “You look almost human again.”

“Dad.”

“Is Jack still out? It’s only been about four and half hours. I guessed he’d be down at least twelve.”

“Yes, he’s still under.” Sam pre-empted her dad’s move to give her another fatherly hug and stepped up to stand between the two command seats. “Teal’c,” she said. “How are you doing?”

“I am well, Major Carter.”

“Where’s Daniel?”

“He went to sleep in the other cabin a few hours ago,” replied her dad.

“He was also very weary,” added Teal’c. Sam just nodded and absentmindedly began scanning the panel’s readings.

“There’s been no sign of any Goa’uld activity.” Her father’s voice from behind her was hesitant.

“Is there anything you want me to do?” She asked the question hopefully, thinking again of how work would take her mind off things.

“Rest.”

Sam sighed and sat down in her father’s seat without looking at him. Teal’c regarded her impassively. When she didn’t answer, her father shifted impatiently.

“Look, Sam,” he began. “I have a pretty good idea now of what’s been bothering you...”

“Dad, stop!” Sam wondered if he’d simply pieced it together or if Teal’c had explained things. Teal’c, she knew, was in a position to make the situation perfectly clear to anyone who asked. She tried not to shoot the jaffa an angry look but failed. Her father would know just how to get the information out of him, too, she supposed.

“I will remove myself so that you may talk with Jacob, Major Carter.” Teal’c stood as he spoke. Sam didn’t comment, knowing she would be unable to convince him to stay. She wondered, briefly, if such directness was a trait all jaffa shared or if it was simply another part of Teal’c’s unique personality.

“Thank you, Teal’c,” said her father quietly. He sat down in the empty chair as Teal’c left the room. “Don’t be angry with him, Sam. I insisted he fill in the details. As a father himself, I knew he’d understand my need to know.”

She wasn’t really angry with Teal’c, she realized. Not after the initial surprise of realizing he had spoken of something so personal anyway.

“What did he tell you?” Not wanting to see his reaction, she didn’t look at her father as she spoke.

“Not much really,” he answered carefully. “He was reluctant to break your trust in him.”

“But you wore him down anyway, right Dad?” Now she looked at him. She wasn’t surprised when he refused to react to the goad.

“Your getting angry with me isn’t going to end this conversation, Samantha.” He sounded firm and very much dad-like. Suddenly, she recalled being seventeen again and having to face him down for some unremembered infraction. It wasn’t a pleasant memory. “I won’t let you shut me out again, Sam.”

“If you already know the whole story, what do you want me to say?”

“Say something,” he said exasperatedly. “And I don’t know the ‘whole’ story, as you put it. Teal’c just clarified a few of the missing details.”

Sam remained silent, still hoping that he’d give up and leave her alone. Of all the Tok’ra operatives that might have been nearby, it just had to have been him.

“Sam, I’m not blind. I’ve known for quite some time that you and Jack had ties that were stronger than simply rank. I wasn’t sure if even you two were even aware of it yourself. SG-1 isn’t like any other team I’ve ever seen. You, Jack, Daniel and Teal’c have been through more than most people can fathom. You depend on each other but it goes deeper than that for every one of you. Whatever it is that you and Jack feel for each other, that’s a big part of what makes SG-1 work.”

She hadn’t been completely wrong after all. Her dad had, for the most part, pieced things together for himself.

“From what Teal’c tells me, neither of you is probably able to pinpoint when things changed for you. If it hadn’t been for the za’tark test, you two might have gone on just as you have been for so long.”

Sam closed her eyes and willed herself not to remember the look on Jack’s face when she’d explained the reason they had failed the first test.

“What choice do we have, really?” she asked, finally opening her eyes to stare at her father. “None of that changes anything.”

Jacob Carter heard the resignation in her voice.

“No, it doesn’t,” he said carefully. “But you two need to come to terms with this. You obviously can’t shut it away in a room and forget about it.”

“Dad, what are we supposed to do? Throw away our careers? Leave the Stargate program? You know what’s at stake better than most people!”

Jacob shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, Sam. What would you do if it were any other project?”

“If were any other project, Colonel O’Neill would never have come out of retirement and we would have never heard of each other,” she answered. “If it were any other project, one of us could request a reassignment. Dad, you know neither of us will give up the Stargate.” In her mind, she could almost hear Jack quoting Bogart’s hill of beans line from Casablanca.

“Sam, I’m sorry. I don’t have the answers for you.”

“There is only one answer, Dad. And you know it as well as I do.”

“Is that what you two have decided?” He frowned as she looked away.

“We didn’t...”

“You didn’t decide anything, did you?”

“Dad, it really wasn’t the best time to be discussing things, was it? He was barely conscious!”

“And you and Jack are usually so good at facing things head on anyway that you figured it could wait ‘til later. Sam, don’t kid yourself. If you two don’t sit down and have a serious discussion about this it’s only going to make things worse in the long run. You can’t ignore it forever.”

“I know that.”

“No, I don’t think you do. Either of you! If you did you two would have had this discussion after the za’tark incident instead of trying to pretend it had never happened.”

Sam was silent again. Pretend it had never happened, she thought. She wondered what her dad would say if she explained about the memory stamps when they were workers on the ice planet. Even without their memories intact they had been drawn together.

“Have you ever really talked to him since Anise tested you?” questioned her dad, interrupting her thoughts.

“No,” she said reluctantly.

“Well,” he said as he stood up again. “You’ve got just over two days to make it happen.” This time, he didn’t wait for her to answer. He simply walked out of the room to leave her sitting there alone.

Jacob hesitated a few steps down the hallway. I should give Jack a good swift kick in the ass, he thought angrily.

“Jacob, do not try to deceive yourself,” warned Selmak. “You do not truly disapprove of them.”

“I disapprove of the situation they’ve put themselves in,” he thought back. “I disapprove of their stubbornness, and I disapprove of their belief that it will just go away if they wait long enough.”

“Perhaps General Hammond will be able to make some kind of accommodation if the situation if brought to his attention,” suggested Selmak. Jacob laughed aloud.

“Selmak, I spent my entire life in the military. I would have thought some of that would have made an impression on you by now. It wouldn’t be up to George and even if it were, I’m not entirely sure he’d approve.”

“These regulations,” said Selmak, “are intended to protect the authority of those with rank?”

“It’s called the chain of command,” explained Jacob. “And the regulations protect personnel of all rank. We believe that personal attachments can negatively affect and influence any decisions that are made.” He decided against attempting an explanation of the concept of sexual harassment and left it at that.

“Would not such attachments make Samantha and Jack strive harder to succeed in the Tau’ri fight against the Goa’uld?”

“Earth’s military doesn’t see it that way, Selmak. You’re race has been struggling to survive. Personal relationships among the Tok’ra are encouraged as a way to increase your population. I’m not sure you’re capable of understanding the need to restrict an individual’s right to be with whomever they choose.”

“Your daughter and Colonel O’Neill understand this need?”

“Yes,” answered Jacob. “They understand it very well.”

* * * * *

Sam, Teal’c and Jacob sat together at one of the mess hall tables. Sam made a mental note to buy her father a deck of cards sometime. The past hours had seemed endless. She had remained alone in the control room for some time, unwilling to confront her father and restart their entire conversation all over again. When she had finally admitted defeat and joined them, her father had evidently decided that he’d said enough for one day and had not brought the subject up again. She had eaten again and they had talked of nothing of real importance for a time before lapsing into an uncomfortable silence. She was just beginning to seriously consider requesting a dose of “Tok’ra knockout juice” as the colonel had called it when Daniel arrived.

“Sam,” he said cheerfully. “You’re awake!”

“Hey, Daniel.”

“Is Jack still sleeping?” he asked curiously as he sat down. When she nodded he added, “That stuff must be really strong.”

“Are you hungry, Daniel?” asked Jacob.

“I don’t suppose you have any steaks hidden away somewhere do you?”

“Sorry, no.”

“Well, in that case I guess I’ll have whatever the cook wants to fix,” he answered.

“Fine,” said Jacob. “That will be more of the same then.” He got up and began working to prepare the meal.

“Are we still on schedule?” Daniel glanced at his watch. “Any unfriendlies shown themselves again?”

“Daniel,” said Jacob, “we haven’t seen any signs of those ships and I swear, if you start asking every other hour ‘Are we there yet?’ I will tell the entire base about how your keen mind came up with the strategic plan to defeat the Goa’uld by impersonating the ‘great and powerful Oz’, so button up.”

Daniel laughed, “Your never going to let me live this one down are you?”
“Probably not,” admitted Jacob.

“Jack will be calling me Oz for months,” he said ruefully. “At least that’s better than Spacemonkey. Sam, you could help by not laughing every time he does it you know.”

“I don’t know about that,” she told him.

“I do,” he said. “It’s his mission in life make you to laugh when you shouldn’t, to confuse poor Teal’c, and to get me worked up to a fit by teasing me all the time.” He shook his head, expecting Sam to either come to Jack’s defense or add her own gripes to the list. When she did neither, he realized she hadn’t cracked even a small smile. “Sam?” he said uncertainly.

“What, Daniel?”

“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Is everyone going to keep asking me that?” she demanded angrily. “I’m fine,” she snapped.

“Sam,” said Jacob with a warning tone in his voice. Daniel looked to Jacob, surprised to discover that he seemed angry for some reason. “If you were fine, you wouldn’t be lashing out at Daniel,” he scolded. “He’s concerned for you. We all are.”

“Sam,” said Daniel. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wondered if you had gotten enough rest. You pushed yourself really hard to rescue Jack and Teal’c.”

“You were there, too!” Sam told him. “Why isn’t everyone asking you if you’re okay?”

“Who is this ‘everyone’ you keep mentioning. Unless we picked up some extra passengers while I was asleep there is only us. Since when is it off limits to ask a friend how she’s doing after almost losing people she cares about?”

Sam froze. Daniel stared at her confusedly, unsure of what exactly had set her off.

“Maybe Dad or Teal’c can explain it to you,” she retorted.

“What?” exclaimed Daniel. He watched in amazement as she sprang up and stalked out of the room. He looked at Teal’c, wondering if the unflappable jaffa could actually explain anything that had just happened. Jacob walked over with his meal and set it down on the table in front of him.

“Welcome to the club,” he said humorlessly. Daniel stirred the contents of the bowl in front of him, replaying the conversation he’d just had with Sam in his head. When the explanation finally came to him, he looked up at Jacob, startled by the thought.

“Oh,” he said slowly. “That.”

“Yeah,” Jacob nodded. “That.”

“It’s going to be a long ride home,” he observed. Neither Jacob nor Teal’c said anything to deny the statement.

* * * * *

Sam sat on the deck of the scout ship’s cargo hold. She leaned back against the wall and studied the patterned surface of the ceiling above her. Tok’ra scout ships just aren’t big enough, she decided. After her one-sided argument with Daniel, she had busied herself by checking out the ship’s systems yet again. She’d gone through the entire ship, double-checking everything and had managed to kill a few more hours. She refused to return to the mess hall and embarrass herself again. She knew she’d have to apologize to all three of them for her behavior eventually, but she wasn’t ready to face them yet.

She sighed as she contemplated the conversation she would have to have with the colonel. She wasn’t sure how to explain his behavior, unless it was just the fatigue and simple relief that he and Teal’c had avoided becoming ‘two popsicles in space’. There really isn’t any choice, she told herself again. She tried to convince herself that her dad was wrong about the potential success ignoring the issue might present but she knew he was completely correct. Things would get worse not better, she thought. Wouldn’t he just love to hear that? And anyway, the only people around who seemed to be ignoring things were she and Jack. It would be just her luck to get back to base and discover that Janet had reported to General Hammond the fact that certain members of SG-1 were emotionally unstable and were unfit for duty. Or perhaps Anise had decided to drop by and share with the general the exact reason they had been suspected as za’tarks. She was, in fact, curious to know just what Hammond knew of the incident. Her own report had been sufficiently vague and she had trusted Janet’s to be the same. It was another worry to add to the many she already shouldered. She recalled, again, the general’s willingness to let her and Daniel proceed with a mission that seemed almost certain to fail.

Sam wondered if another tour of the scout ship would keep her from thinking in circles. When we get back to the base, whatever else happens, I’m sure to get caught up with all those unfinished projects, she decided. Stacks of paperwork would be a blessing right now. With nothing else to occupy her mind, she decided to rejoin the others in the mess hall. Perhaps one of them has a good recipe for crow, she told herself cheerlessly.

* * * * *

As he laced up his boots, Jack marveled at the lack of pain in his head. Sitting up, he flipped back the velcro cover on his watchband and puzzled out the approximate length of time he’d been in a Tok’ra induced siesta-slash-coma. Nearly twelve hours, he finally decided.

He stood and walked to the door. Keying it open he was relieved to discover the return of brighter light from the corridor was not a signal for his head to start throbbing again. He decided he would try the mess hall first. Everyone, he guessed, would probably be hanging out there. There wasn’t much of anyplace else to gather on a scout ship.

As he walked, he considered how to approach Carter. Now that he was feeling better, he was slightly appalled at his lapse in judgment earlier. Splitting headache aside, what the hell had possessed him? He wondered if she’d buy an alien virus that he’d caught during his brief sojourn in the void of space.

He mentally kicked himself for speaking of their reluctant confessions to each other during the za’tark tests. Carter had made it clear that she was willing to try and forget the whole incident and he’d been in complete agreement at the time. But it was a lot like putting the proverbial genie back in the proverbial bottle, if that bottle had been smashed to a million tiny pieces. He wished they had been given the courtesy of a reverse mind wipe after their short stint as workers. It had been memories of Thera and Jonah that had prompted him to ask Carter to stay with him. Jonah had been amazed at the sense of satisfaction and rightness he’d felt with Thera sleeping tucked under his arm while they had waited for their absent co-worker. Jack tried to tell himself that it hadn’t been that way in the cabin, when they knew who and what they were to each other. Jack was relieved that Carter had been gone when he awoke. He wasn’t sure how he would have dealt with finding a sleeping Carter still snugged in next to him.

Jack heard Jacob and Daniel talking as he rounded the last curve in the corridor.

“Next time, I’ll try Darth Vader,” said Daniel as Jack entered the room. Jacob was leaning casually against the work surface that served as a kitchen counter. Teal’c and Carter were sitting together at the table that was closest to the far wall and Daniel was pacing the short distance between the door and Jacob. He stopped as Jack entered.

“Welcome back, sleepyhead,” chided Jacob.

“It’s all your fault,” accused Jack. “What’s in that stuff anyway?”

“Ancient Tok’ra secrets,” laughed the older man. “Feeling better?” he asked.

“Much. No more headache. That concoction is close enough to magic to fool this government employee.”

“I am pleased to find you well again, O’Neill.”

“Thank you, Teal’c,” replied Jack. “I am pleased to find you... uh... still well?” Teal’c dipped his head slightly in reply. Gotta keep working on that sense of humor, thought Jack.

“Jack, I was thinking,” said Daniel. “After Sam’s very unique rescue method, you’re the one who really deserves to be dubbed ‘Spacemonkey’!”

Jack rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Why not? After all, who am I to challenge the great and powerful Oz?”

“I knew it,” Daniel groaned.

Jack sat in the nearest empty chair leaned on one elbow.

“You didn’t think I’d forget that, now did you?”

“I had kinda of hoped so, yeah.” Daniel joined him at the table. Jack looked at Sam, realizing that she hadn’t spoken to him yet.

“Hey, Carter.”

“Sir.” He considered the word for a moment. It had been no more casual than his use of Carter he determined.

“Any updates?” he asked after a slight hesitation.

“No Goa’uld, if that’s what you mean. We boosted our speed and shaved about eighteen hours off the trip home.”

“Sam kept herself busy during your downtime, Jack. After thoroughly checking out our systems again, she convinced me it wasn’t necessary to baby our engines quite so much.” Jacob brought Jack another bowl of not-oatmeal and slid it across the table to him. “But you’ve still got about thirty hours to fill.” He looked to Sam, not Jack, as he spoke. “I already sent a short message to Hammond to fill him in. There have been no signs of Goa’uld nearby so I felt the risk was minimal.”

“Great work, Carter,” Jack offered as he began eating. “Jacob. Will you try to complete your mission after you drop us off?”

“No, they were tipped to our presence. And the ship still needs repairs before I’d trust it in that situation. We’ll just have to wait until the Goa’uld drop their guard again. The Tok’ra High Council will just have be patient with this one.”

“Sorry about that,” mumbled Jack. Great, he thought to himself. They owed the Tok’ra again. Maybe he could convince Hammond to let a few teams try taking out that installation.

“Just think about what you’re doing before you start messing around with alien technology again, would you please?”

“Like I had anything to do with retrofitting a death glider,” protested Jack. “I just fly what they tell me to, Jacob.”

“Perhaps if you weren’t quite so... enthusiastic... about hunting down advanced technology, the people that make those decisions wouldn’t have so many opportunities to get you into trouble.”

“We’ve had this lecture before you know- the Tok’ra, the Tollan, the Asgard, even the Nox. None of the big kids want to let us play in their sandbox, unless it’s by their rules.”

“And you never listen to any of us, Jack.”

Jack slammed a fist into the table. “Why should we?” he exclaimed, waving the other hand that held his spoon in Jacob’s direction. “Your precious High Council haven’t always been exactly straight with us, have they? Who did they send to do their dirty work when they couldn’t use those precious armbands? We destroyed Apophis’ new ship even when the damned things stopped working!” Jack realized he was shouting. He lowered the hand that he’d been jabbing accusingly toward Jacob and dropped the spoon into the bowl in front of him.

“Dad, he’s right. I think we’ve earned a little respect.” Sam’s voice was quiet. Daniel looked uncomfortable and a little surprised by Jack’s outburst. Teal’c’s expression, as usual, was unreadable.

“I don’t want to argue about this,” said Jacob slowly. “It’s not something we can solve among ourselves anyway.”

“So is the lecture over, or what?” demanded Jack. Jacob didn’t answer and Jack was surprised when he realized he was giving control to Selmak.

“For now,” said Selmak. “Colonel O’Neill, do not assume that all of the Tok’ra are in agreement with our current policy regarding the sharing of our technology with your people. As you are no doubt aware, there are many individual opinions in any government. And Jacob and I have expressed our disapproval of how the situation with Apophis’ ship was handled. Your team should have been informed of the mission from the beginning. We were on a mission ourselves and were not told of the Council’s intentions.” Wonderful, thought Jack. First dad scolds us and now Grandma Selmak gives us the guilt trip. Or was it Grandpa Selmak, he wondered.

“Selmak, I’m sorry,” Jack said. “It just seems like we are getting nowhere quickly sometimes.”

“We are really grateful for the alliance,” added Daniel quickly. “We understand that politics sometimes gets in the way of the way we all might want things to work.”

“You have to learn patience, Jack,” said Jacob as Selmak relinquished control. Jack didn’t comment. Instead, he picked up his spoon and kept his overactive mouth busy eating before he could make things worse. Jacob sighed. “I don’t know why the Asgard keep insisting on using you as a diplomat, Jack. It just isn’t your calling.”

“No,” answered Jack. “I’m more of the kick butt first, take names later type I guess.”

“Hoorah,” said Daniel. “The military mind at work.” Jack just grinned at him. Jacob shook his head.

“I think I’ll leave you kids to chat,” he said. “I’m sure there is something for me to do somewhere.” He headed for the doorway. “Later, Sam,” he said as he turned to leave. Daniel jumped up and stepped quickly to follow him.

“Er.. Jacob, wait a second. I wanted to talk to you about that, uh.. thing.. uh.. remember?” Jacob looked at him and slowly nodded.

“Right, Daniel, the thing,” he repeated, sounding amused. “Come on then.” Daniel nodded.

“Coming!”

Together they quickly walked up the corridor. Jack watched them go before putting his spoon down again. He had a pretty good idea of what was coming next. He looked at Teal’c expectantly.

“Well?” he asked.

Teal’c rose from his seat.

“If you are implying that I also wish to have a conversation with Jacob, you are incorrect, O’Neill.”

“I am?”

“I have no desire at the moment to continue to converse with Jacob regarding anything. I will, however, remove myself so that you and Major Carter may speak privately.” Jack watched his friend as he, too, left the room. When they were alone, he looked at Carter.

“And they have the nerve to say I’m no diplomat?” Sam smiled briefly. Her dad wasn’t giving an inch. She felt like she’d been sent to her room until she did she what she was told.

“Dad feels we need to have a serious talk.”

Jack got up and moved to sit next to her.

“What do you think?” he asked. He wasn’t sure he wanted an answer.

“I think he’s right,” she told him. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.” She felt an urge to move away from the man sitting next to her but forced herself to stay seated. She hoped she sounded calmer than she felt.

“Carter, I’m sorry about...earlier,” he began. “I shouldn’t have put you in that situation. My head wasn’t too clear, if that’s any excuse. We agreed to put the things we said to each other behind us and I shouldn’t have brought them up again. I just...” he paused, searching for his next words. “I was concerned about you,” he said finally. He’d been scared for her he realized. She’d been so unlike her usual self that it had thrown him off balance. “I crossed the line,” he continued, “and I’m sorry.”

“We seem to be saying sorry a lot lately,” she told him.

“Well then, you should just accept the apology so we can forget about the whole thing and get back to normal,” he said. Sam sighed, damn it Dad. Why do you have to be right this time?

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” he demanded. Was she that angry with him, he wondered.

“I mean, we can’t,” she said, which didn’t clarify things for him.

“We can’t what?”

“Forget about it and get back to normal,” she explained.

“Yes we can,” he countered.

“No, we...”

“Yes we can,” he repeated. “We can do normal,” he insisted.

“Sir, we can’t just ignore...”

“I’m good at ignoring! I ignore things all the time,” he interrupted, his voice rising.

“Sir, it just won’t work this time,” she said impatiently.

“Yes it will. Carter, I promise we never have to mention a word of this to anyone or each other, ever..”

“Jack!” she shouted. “Just shut up and listen for minute!” For a wonder, he stayed quiet. “Dad feels that we are just running away from the issue,” she told him. “He thinks we need to have a discussion and decide how we are going to handle it.”

“Dad sure feels a lot it seems,” said Jack bitterly. “What does he know about things?” He winced as he listened his own words. Things? He took momentary comfort in the fact that Carter had been no better. Her new favorite word seemed to be ‘it’.

“He knows a lot,” she admitted. “Not all the details, but he knows a lot,” she shrugged. “Enough to feel justified in playing dad,” she added.

“Jacob never plays when it comes to being your father,” Jack told her seriously. Sam flushed.

“I know,” she said, feeling guilty.

“What did he say?”

Sam took a breath. “He said SG-1 is lot closer than most teams. That all four of us have faced a lot together and survived because we are so close.” Jack listened. She continued in a rush, “He said he’s suspected for awhile that you and I...that we were... are.. more to each other.” Jack wasn’t sure of how to react. Sam continued when he didn’t respond. “He knew I was upset after we got you out of the X-301. I wouldn’t talk to him, so he talked to Teal’c instead.”

“Teal'c,” he said.

“He knew most of it anyway,” Sam hurried to tell him. “He told me Teal’c didn’t want to talk about what we said during the za’tark tests but Dad played on his sympathies. Teal’c thought he was helping,” she explained.

Jack knew that Teal’c would never betray a confidence unless he thought there was a good reason for doing so. If Jacob hadn’t already suspected...

“Don’t be angry with him,” Sam said quietly. “I already showed my temper enough for both of us.”

“I’m not angry, I guess,” he assured her. “Teal’c never really had a chance against your dad anyway. Hell hath no fury like a worried father,” he joked.

“I know,” she said. “I owe him an apology.” She knew she owed all of them an apology, including her dad. Daniel hadn’t even realized what he was saying when she blew up at him.

“So,” said Jack. “What now?”

“We decide what to do.”

“I thought we’d already done that,” he said.

“We never really talked after we confirmed we weren’t za’tarks,” she reminded him. Jack thought about the events following their tests.

“There wasn’t really time for that, was there?” he asked. It had all happened too quickly. “Were we supposed to ask the President to wait until we’d had a heart to heart about our personal issues?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” she fussed. “We didn’t talk to each other after everything either.”

“You’re the one who said it could stay in the room. You said you were ok with that!” He didn’t add that he probably would have found a way to talk to her but she’d been dealing with Martouf’s death.

“What about when we got our memories back after we were mind-stamped?”

“Sam,” he said. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know!” She stood up and walked to the counter. She leaned against it, elbows resting on the smooth surface, her back towards Jack. “I don’t know what I want to do myself, that’s the whole point, Jack.”

Jack understood how she felt.

“What does your dad think we should do?”

“He said he didn’t have any answers,” she told him, without turning around. “I wanted to know if he thought we were supposed to toss away our careers and he just asked what I’d do if it were any other program but the Stargate.”

“What would you do?” he asked as he got out of his chair.

“Request a transfer,” she said. “Resign?” Jack laughed as he moved to stand behind her.

“I already tried that one,” he admitted.

“I know,” she told him. “And the only reason you came back was because of the Stargate.”

“I’m not talking about before Hammond took command,” he said. “I’m talking about just a few weeks after the whole za’tark thing.” Sam spun around to face him.

“What are you talking about?” she asked. He grinned at her. She considered the possibilities. “The time loop!” she declared. Jack nodded. “Why?” she asked.

“Well, you see,” he told her. “There’s was this certain Major on base that I had recently discovered I had feelings for...”

“Sir!” Sam suddenly remembered Daniel’s question about doing things that had no consequences.

“So,” he continued, ignoring her outburst. “I typed up my resignation, handed it to Hammond, and...” He paused, enjoying the way her face colored.

“And what?” she demanded.

“I kissed you.” Yep, he thought, that sure was a bright red.

“What?”

“I kissed you,” he told her again. “I don’t know who was more surprised,” he added. “You or General Hammond.”

“You kissed me in front of Hammond?” she asked.

“Well, I had just handed him my resignation,” Jack said defensively.

“What did he do?” she asked.

“Well, not much,” he admitted. “I had it timed almost perfectly at the end of the loop.”

“You had it timed...” she echoed.

“Yeah, well, that could have been done a little better,” he said. “After all, you had barely started to kiss me back when the loop ended.”

“Jack!” she said. “You...” she laughed. “That’s not fair,” she told him. “This isn’t funny. Daniel said part of your mission in life was to make me laugh when it was inappropriate. I guess he was right.”

“I guess your dad isn’t the only one around here who notices more than he’s supposed to.” He shrugged.

“Jack, please be serious,” she begged.

“You mean I don’t get to retire?”

“Jack!”

“Ok, ok,” he said.

“It’s not an option anyway,” she told him. “You can’t give up the Stargate any more than I can.”

“Will your dad take us in if we decide to break regs and get court-martialed?” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Jack...”

“Sam, this time I am being serious,” he said. “If we decide we have to act on our feelings, we’ll get caught and no matter how much Hammond enjoys our company, we will be court-martialed. Am I worth risking your career for?” he asked her bluntly.

“I risked my life to keep you from becoming a spacemonkey popsicle,” she answered. “I wasn’t thinking about my career when Daniel and I gated to a Goa’uld controlled planet to hunt down a Tok’ra operative on the basis of a probability.”

“You’re timing is off,” he told her. “For that to be funny, you should have stopped after the ‘spacemonkey popsicle’ remark.”

“You ass,” she complained. “It wasn’t meant to be funny. Jack, I thought I’d lost you.” She closed her eyes, but couldn’t stop the tears that suddenly spilled out. “Damn it!” she said, turning away from him again.

Jack reached out and turned her around to face him again. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Again. You’re right, I am an ass.” Jack closed his eyes and held her tighter. Sam didn’t try to pull away from him and even wrapped her own arms around him. What the hell are we doing, he asked himself.

“What are we doing?” Sam echoed his thoughts, her voice sounding muffled as she leaned into his chest. Jack couldn’t make himself let go of her. It was foolish and he knew it but he didn’t want to put any distance between them.

“I don’t know,” he whispered. Sam pulled back from his embrace. Reluctantly, he loosened his hold. Her brief bout of crying had stopped he realized. He was glad of that. It was disconcerting to see Carter lose control. She looked at him sadly. He’d seen that expression before, looking at him from behind a force field as they’d waited for the explosion that would signal the destruction of Apophis’ ship. “Sam,” he said, intending to tell her he understood and that what they had to do was for the best but he didn’t get the chance.

She closed the gap between them and kissed him. It was tentative at first, but when he responded, it became more demanding. No force field, he marveled. It ended too quickly, but Sam remained in the circle of his arms. A half-dozen flippant remarks passed through his mind but he chose to say nothing. Instead it was Sam who broke the silence.

“Now we’re even,” she told him. Jack smiled.

“But I gave up a promising career so I could do that to you,” he jibed.

“I could do the same.”

This time it was Jack who stepped back. He held her at arm’s length and his eyes widened.

“What?” he said.

“I could resign,” she told him. Jack started shaking his head but she continued. “Remember Dr. Carter?” she asked. “The one from the alternate reality?”

“Sam, are you nuts?” Jack hands tightened on her shoulders and
the level of his voice lifted a notch.

“Jack, I helped them figure out how to make the Stargate work. If I want to become a civilian, do you really think they’ll kick me off the project if I offer to stay on?”

“No!” Jack couldn’t believe Carter was even suggesting this. “I won’t let you ruin your career!”

“My career? My career begins and ends with the Stargate, Jack. No one outside of the mountain even knows what I do. Does it really make any difference if it’s Dr. Samantha Carter instead of Major Samantha Carter?”

“Yes! It makes a difference,” he told her.

“Only to us,” she told him.

“Sam, you can’t do this,” he pleaded. “You’ve worked all of your life to make it in the airforce and I’m not gonna let you throw it away. You haven’t thought this through.”

“Maybe we’ve been thinking too much,” she said heatedly. “Maybe we just need to stop thinking and do something.”

“Would you listen to what you’re saying?” he demanded. “Ten minutes ago, you would have said this was the craziest idea you had ever heard.” He had her with that one, he hoped. “My god, Sam, that was a great kiss but for cryin’ out loud you can’t be seriously considering walking up to Hammond and telling him you want to leave the military!”

“Why not?” she asked stubbornly. “You said it yourself, Jack, we face a court-martial if we break regs.”

“No,” he said firmly. “No, I won’t let you do this.”

“You can’t stop me. If I want to do this, I will.”

“No,” he said again. Frustrated, he pulled her close again and hugged her tightly. “You can’t be serious,” he said. She didn’t answer. Franticly, his mind struggled to come up with an argument that would convince her to change her mind. “If you do this,” he told her as the solution came to him, “I’ll retire.”

Sam made an exasperated noise and stepped away from him, breaking contact.

“Jack, no offense, but if you retire they don’t have a reason to keep you on the project. I’m sure Hammond would do his best to change your mind, but they’d have to let you go. They’ll let me stay on as a civilian but I don’t think they’ll let you lead SG-1 as one.”

“I’m counting on that,” he told her calmly. He watched her expression change as she realized what he was saying.

“No,” she said. “Are you really telling me that you’ll leave if I give up my commission?”

“Yes, I will.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Because I’d be throwing away my career?” she said incredulously.

“Yes,” he answered. “Because you wouldn’t even consider resigning if your thick-headed, commanding officer hadn’t been stupid enough to fall in love with you.” He was surprised at how easy the word had come out. He hoped she understood what he was trying to say.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, sir,” she said tersely. “It happens to work both ways. Jack, if you love me and I love you, I don’t see the problem,” she argued.

“Sam,” he said calmly. “I can’t take the chance that you’d someday regret your decision and blame me.”

“I won’t regret it. Why should I? It’s the best possible solution.”

“You can’t know that,” he said. “Feelings change, Sam. When I married Sara I thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together but everything changed. It wasn’t just losing Charlie, we stopped loving each other in the same way. You and I barely know how we feel about each other. We think we do, but we don’t, not really. You can’t base your decision on what we might be to each other.”

Sam considered his words. She’d been angry with him, thinking he was simply discounting her feelings but she realized, reluctantly, that he had a point.

“And just how are we ever supposed to find out what we might be?” she asked. “We’re right back where we started,” she added. She looked at him, and he realized he’d won. He wasn’t sure if he was pleased or not.

“It looks that way,” he replied.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered. “I don’t think I can pretend this time.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he assured her. Despite the warning in his head, he put his arms around her again. “We need time to think,” he told her. “Give it some time. Let’s see what happens.” Sam sighed.

“If you have your way, it looks like nothing will happen,” she teased.

“We just need to find the right balance,” he explained. “It can’t just be just yes sir, no sir, and Carter you’re brilliant.” Sam laughed.

“Is that an order, sir?” she teased. Jack smiled.

“Carter, you’re brilliant,” he answered.

“I suppose holding hands during briefings is out of the question?”

“I’m a bad influence on you,” he told her.

“Are you sure about that?” she asked.

“Pretty sure,” he answered. “No one else seems to have picked up my sense of humor, although Danny tries. Teal’c is a lost cause. We just need to work on your timing,” he laughed. She cut him off with another kiss.

“How’s that for timing?” she demanded, when it ended.

“Carter,” he said. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yes, sir,” she told him cheerfully.

“Sam,” Jack said, turning serious again. “You know I’m right.”

“Yes,” she said, resting her head against his chest again. “But it’s nice to...forget for just a little while, isn’t it?” Jack decided to keep his mouth shut for a change. Moments later, Sam sighed.

“What are we going to tell my dad?” she asked.

“Damn,” was Jack’s only response.

* * * * *

Daniel was sitting with his back against the bulkhead but he quickly rose to his feet when Jack and Sam entered the room. Jacob and Teal’c turned in the command chairs to face them as well.

“Jack, Sam!” said Daniel.

“Who were you expecting, Danny?” asked Jack pointedly.

“No one,” said Daniel. “That is… I, uh… thought you, uh… might be awhile…”

“Oh?” Jack said curiously. “Why’s that?”

“Well, I thought… that is… uh, you and Sam had…” stuttered Daniel. Jack just waited.

“You and Sam had a lot to talk about,” interjected Jacob, rescuing Daniel from Jack’s scrutiny.

“We talked, Dad,” Sam said. “And I wanted to apologize,” she continued, “to all three of you.”

“You don’t have to, Sam,” said Daniel quickly. “I mean… it’s okay. I know you were upset and all.”

“No, Daniel, really.” Sam moved farther into the room as she spoke. “You didn’t deserve to be yelled at when you were only showing concern and I’m sorry.” She turned to Teal’c. “Teal’c, I want you to know I’m not angry with you. You did what you thought you had to do and I understand. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I couldn’t trust you.”

“I accept your apology, Major Carter,” said Teal’c quietly.

“Dad, I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you,” she said next. “I just didn’t know what to even say. I was afraid…”

“Sam, I hope you don’t have to feel afraid when you talk to me,” said Jacob. “I know I haven’t always been the most understanding person, but I promise I’ll do my best.” Jacob shrugged. “Even if I yell a lot, I’ll get over it… eventually,” he added with a smile.

Nobody spoke. Jack shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

“Um… What she said…” Jack waved a hand casually toward Sam and nodded his head. “Well, except for the dad part…” he told Jacob. “But I am sorry… for… whatever…” he continued.

“Does this mean I won’t get blamed for everything the Tok’ra High Council does or doesn’t do?” asked Jacob.

“Jacob, come on,” exclaimed Jack. “For you, I’m sorry. But I still don’t agree with their…policies.”

“Fine, Jack,” agreed Jacob. “I don’t agree with all of their policies either, so let’s just call it a truce. Okay?”

Jack nodded.

“Okay,” Jack repeated. “Are we all done apologizing now or does anyone else have something to say? Daniel? I believe I heard you mention the name spacemonkey? Don’t you have something to say?”

“Jack, if we’re going to start apologizing for name calling, you could be here all day!” Daniel teased. Jack just gave him a ‘who me?’ look and grinned.

As the banter died down, they fell into an uneasy silence. Sam looked at Jack expectantly. Widening his eyes, he made a ‘you go’ gesture at Sam. When she just looked at him, Jack sighed.

“Where’s that kid Mikey when you need him?” he asked of no one in particular. Teal’c raised one eyebrow but didn’t ask the obvious question. “I guess you guys want to know what we’ve decided, huh?”

Daniel’s mouth opened in surprise but he didn’t comment.

“If you feel it’s necessary,” said Jacob carefully, looking at his daughter. Sam looked at Jack questioningly. He nodded.

“There’s been a lot that’s happened lately,” she began. She hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. “I haven’t really had an opportunity to sort things out in my head,” she continued. She looked at Jack for reassurance. He took a breath before jumping in.

“Carter and I realized that there’s a lot more between us than our ranks and working relationship,” he said. “Or at least…we think there is more than that,” he continued in a rush. He looked at her, not at Teal’c, Daniel, or Jacob. “It’s not something we went looking for,” he continued, “but it’s there.”

“Now that you know it’s there,” asked Jacob, “what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” said Jack simply, turning to look at Jacob. Jacob nodded, seeming unsurprised.

“Nothing?” Daniel repeated, sounding shocked. “You can’t be serious!”

“Daniel, aren’t I always serious?” Jack quipped.

“Jack, I mean it! You can’t just...just...forget about something like that,” exclaimed Daniel. Jacob coughed, stifling a laugh.

“So I’ve been told, Daniel,” Sam explained, giving her dad a pointed look. “And we aren’t just going to ‘forget about it’ but we don’t have a lot of choices here.”

“Daniel,” said Jack again. “I’m not going to have to explain it all to you, am I? You understand that the military has rules about this sort of thing, right?”

“Yeah, I know about the military and its rules, Jack,” retorted Daniel. “But you might try explaining how you and Sam can somehow think you have to follow these rules! Jack, you break the rules all of the time!”

“Damn it, Daniel, I don’t! Not when they are important!”

“And these are? Jack, I don’t get it! I hoped you two had finally come to your senses but it seems more like you’ve lost them!”

“No, if I’d lost my senses I’d let Carter throw away her career for something neither of us fully understands anyway! Or how would you like sticking with SG-1 under a new commander while I while away my retirement years fishing at my cabin?”

“Daniel, we’ve thought about this,” interjected Sam. “He’s right.”

“So you’re just going to do nothing?” Daniel asked her. “Are you just gonna wait around until one of you leaves the airforce?” Sam couldn’t help it. She threw Jack an accusing look. “You have thought of that, haven’t you?” he questioned, catching the glance she threw Jack.

“No,” said Jack firmly. “We won’t give up the Stargate for this.” Jack’s attention was focused on Sam.

“Sam might not have to!” said Daniel excitedly.

“No,” said Jack, as firmly as before, “she won’t have to...because she won’t be leaving the airforce.”

“Daniel, we’re not saying there’s no possibility of things changing,” explained Sam, but she looked at her commanding officer as she spoke. “We’ve just decided to give ourselves some more time...to work things out a little more before we make decisions that will affect the rest of our lives.”

“More time? Jack and Teal’c almost died today, Sam. What makes you think you’re gonna get that time?”

“Daniel, stop it,” Jack warned.

“No, Jack, I want to know how you, of all people, can pretend that life always works out the way you planned. Do you think I planned to lose my wife after being with her for so short a time? If I subscribed to the Jack O’Neill view of life, I’d have doubted my feelings and returned to Earth with you...and I wouldn’t have the few memories I do have!”

“It was different for you, Daniel!” Jack shouted back. “We risk everything we ever worked for if we do anything. Finding Sha’re, finding confirmation of all of your theories...you had everything you could have wanted! Working on the Stargate project is the most important thing any of us could ever hope to do. I won’t risk losing it and I won’t let Carter risk it either.”

“It shouldn’t be a risk, Jack. Hell, they owe it to you, don’t they?”

“Daniel, what do you suggest we do? Should we just walk back onto the base and tell General Hammond that we’re sorry, but we just don’t think it’s fair that the military frowns on its senior officers having personal relationships with the people they command?”

Daniel frowned at him.

“Why not?” he asked. “It’s not like you haven’t questioned orders before,” he explained.

“Daniel, try to understand,” pleaded Sam. “Right now, this is our only option. Please, don’t make things any harder for us than they are already.”

Daniel’s shoulders slumped. With one hand he removed his glasses, rubbing the other hand across his eyes and through his already rumpled hair. Slowly, he returned his glasses to their proper place and regarded Sam and Jack without speaking. Sam and Jack waited.

“If you’re sure this is what you want...” he capitulated finally. Sam nodded, not quite looking at Jack as she did so.

“Yes,” she said, “This is the way it has to be.” For now, she added, only to herself.