“Battered, Not Broken”

“Damn, Carter!”

“Sorry, Sir.”

“That hurts!” I twist my neck, trying to get a look at whatever it is that Carter is poking into my back, but it’s on the left side and that eye is still swollen shut. “What are you digging for back there?”

“I’m trying to get you cleaned up as much as possible. Your back is going to be one big mass of infection by the time we get you home.”

“I’ll be sure to tell the next group that tortures me to sanitize their instruments first.” The crappy thing is that there probably will be a next time. I hear the sound of a foil packet being ripped open and wince in expectation. Even knowing what is coming next, I still flinch when Carter touches me again.

“Sir, this would be easier for both of us if you’d just sit still.”

‘Sit still,’ she says. Right. Like that’s an easy thing when every touch of an antiseptic swab sends renewed tendrils of stinging pain creeping up my spine. Carter adds yet another butterfly bandage to my growing collection and starts all over again in a new spot. How many of those things does she have anyway? She must have raided Teal’c and Daniel’s packs as well as her own.

Everything hurts. From the top of my head right down to the bottoms of my still bare feet, my entire body feels like one big massive bruise. Hell, except for Carter’s careful probing and prodding, it’s hard to distinguish one hurt from another. Do I even remember what not having a headache feels like? I’ve already taken nearly half a bottle of aspirin, but they don’t seem to be helping much just yet. I’d love to just flop down here on these furs and sleep. Carter could poke at my back all she wants and I wouldn’t have to feel a thing. I don’t even care that I’m sitting in the Prime’s home again – on the very same pallet where his son died. At this moment, even the dirt floor of my cell is looking like a viable option. Still… there is the little matter of my boots to be resolved first.

“I think that’s got the worst of them,” Carter tells me. “I want to use a roll of gauze to help cover your back and Teal’c left his jacket for you to wear. We haven’t found yours.”

“Great,” I say. “I just love hand-me-downs.” I feel Carter shift behind me as she reaches for the medical kit again. “Don’t worry about the jacket,” I tell her. “I’m more interested in getting my boots back.”

“Colonel, don’t you think you should wait? Why don’t you rest here and deal with that in the morning?”

Ah… the ‘be reasonable, Colonel’ tone. Carter must be taking lessons from the Doc. Rest. Yeah, rest would be great – but it ain’t gonna happen ‘til I get my boots from that sick bastard. It had only been the fact that I’d barely been able to stand that kept me from going after them earlier. At Carter’s insistence, I’d let my team drag me in here for some quick first aid. Did they really think I was gonna forget about it?

“Just wrap me up and let me out of here,” I tell her. I hear her sigh softly.

“Can you hold this in place?” she asks, placing the end of the gauze roll on my left shoulder blade. I reach across with my right arm, ignoring the sudden sharp pain in my rib cage, and try to get my fingers placed on the bandage. Carter’s hand grips mine and guides me to the right spot. “Right there,” she says softly. Once I have the end held down, she begins unwinding the gauze and wrapping it lightly around my back and chest. After a few passes, it’s secured. “You can let go now,” she tells me.

I let my hand drop into my lap again and for the next few minutes we sit in silence while she finishes covering the lash marks on my back. Her hands work quickly and steadily. She gives me a gentle nudge now and then to get me to raise one arm or the other but doesn’t speak. A final pass and she neatly tucks in the end at my waist. Doc will be proud. It’s a first rate job.

“Done?” I start to gather my good leg under me so I can stand up but Carter places a restraining hand on my shoulder.

“Not quite yet,” she admonishes.

“Carter!”

“Please, Sir. Let me finish.”

“What’s left? I think you must have used up our entire supply of butterfly band-aids.” Carter’s hand leaves my shoulder and she scoots around to sit in front of me. Her cap is off and her short hair still manages to look mussed. Her blue eyes regard me seriously; there’s not even the hint of a smile in the look that she gives me.

“Not quite all of them,” she says, holding up a handful of bandages for me to see. “Those gashes on your face need to be tended.”

“I’ll take care of those,” I say. She shakes her head at me.

“How? I haven’t seen any mirrors around here. Have you?”

Thankfully, I haven’t. I can just imagine what I must look like. If the way I feel is anything to go by, then it has to be bad. She knows she’s right but she doesn’t waste her breath telling me so. She simply rips open another sterile pad, douses it with water from a canteen, and begins wiping the dried blood from my face.

Her touch seems more hesitant… unsure. Is she afraid of hurting me now? Carter’s gaze is focused intently on her task, but her eyes don’t meet mine. The first pad is quickly stained red and discarded. Another one takes its place as she continues to work her away around my battered face. That one, too, is soon discarded and added to the pile of blood soaked pads on the floor by my side. Carter takes my chin in one hand as she dabs at my face with a new alcohol soaked pad. When I don’t flinch or complain, her eyes finally rise up to meet my gaze.

Fear, relief, anger, concern – the emotions I see in her eyes unsettle me. The careful mask that’s been in place since she first reached me in the compound is starting to slip again. The memory of her face when she first saw me flashes in my mind and I close my eyes. I don’t want to see that look again. A look I’d had on my own face all too often. Other moments come back to me then – other places, other times – when one or both of us have had that look… and that sudden, nearly crippling, rush of emotion.

A tear-choked voice on the radio from thirty stories underground…

The numbing chill of an icy cave…

Iron bars, glowing eyes, and a familiar voice speaking to me in corrupted tones and cadences…

The sharp jolt of an alien orb as it pins me to a concrete wall…

The static filled crackle of sound from a fuzzy MALP transmission and the glare of a brutal sun…

Waking up with the realization that my body is still my own…

An explosion of pain in my knee from the blast of a staff weapon and the clang of a door as it slams closed behind Sokar’s goons…

An unyielding wall of light and energy…

Forced confessions…

The return of stolen identities and the sudden flood of memories…

A leap of faith into the cold of space…

Two zat blasts in a hallway…

Two men with a needle…

An airless teltac on a hunk of rock…

Carter releases my chin and the sudden absence of her touch forces my eyes open again. I want to…. Stop it, O’Neill! I must have taken a harder knock to my head than I realized. I should move… do something… anything but sit here and get all maudlin and emotional. I need to check on the women. I need to see about the security arrangements for the raiders who were captured. I need to get my boots back.

Carter rips open a butterfly bandage and carefully applies it to the gash above my right eye. She uses two more to close the wound in my cheek. She’s finished, but I’m still not moving. Carter’s head is bent downward, her gaze once again averted from my own. When she reaches out and takes my hand in hers, I nearly stop breathing.

“Your wrists…” Her voice trails off. Belatedly, I realize her intent. My wrists are nearly as raw and bloody as my back. During the hours I spent hanging from a wooden frame in the compound’s yard, the leather straps I’d been bound with had cut into the flesh. She looks me in the eye again obviously expecting – hoping? – I’ll protest another delay. I say nothing. She hesitates then opens another sterile pad. I watch her hands as she works to clean and bandage my wrists.

Her touch is light and careful. Carter’s fingers barely brush my own as she removes the grit and grime. Soon, my wrists are also neatly wrapped in white. She frowns at the swollen and bruised left pinky.

“It’s broken,” I tell her. “Just leave it alone. It can wait.”

“Maybe I should splint it,” she suggests, her gaze still on my hand.

“It’s not that bad,” I say. “I’ve had worse.” It’s the wrong thing to say. I know it as soon as the words are out. Her head jerks up and her eyes meet mine.

“We should have come in sooner.” Her fingers tighten on my own and I’m glad the break in the pinky is minor.

“Carter, don’t…” I shake my head. “You did exactly what you should have done.”

“When they started throwing those stones at you,” she drops her head again.

“Well, that was a surprise for me too, wasn’t it? You couldn’t have known.” I pull my hand slowly out of her grip. “Are we finished here?” I ask.

“I should probably bind your ribs, but the lacerations on your back are too severe. You shouldn’t be moving around.”

“I shouldn’t be doing a lot of things,” I tell her, once again gathering my good leg under me so I can stand. Getting outta here isn’t one of those things. Carter moves to help me up when the bad knee doesn’t want to cooperate. “I don’t suppose you have a spare knee brace in that med pack?”

“No. Don’t you think you should stay off of it?” She slips a shoulder under my arm to help me get my balance.

“I’ll take it easy.” Yeah, like I have a choice. I take a cautious step forward and the damn knee buckles. Shit. Carter slips her arm around my waist and moves with me, supporting most of my weight for a moment as I shift to regain my balance.

The door swings open and Daniel steps inside. He frowns when he takes in the sight of Carter practically holding me up and I try to stand straighter. He glances down at the litter on the floor, the dirty discarded swabs and torn wrappers, and his expression goes flat. His gaze travels upwards again, taking in my mummy wrapped chest, wrists, the visible bruising on my uncovered arms, and my face. His eyes quickly slide away from mine, but not quickly enough to hide the flash of – something. Sympathy? Pity? Guilt?

“Jack, are you going to be okay?” His tone is doubtful, his skepticism apparent. He looks at Carter, eyebrows lifting in a not so subtle question. What’s the matter, Daniel? You don’t trust me to be objective in the assessment of my own fitness?

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “Is everyone getting settled?” While I was looking forward to seeing the last of this place, traipsing cross-country in the dark with the group of villagers hadn’t been the greatest plan. It hadn’t taken more than a moment to decide that we should wait until morning to head back to the village and the gate. I’d ordered Teal’c and Daniel to find the women a spot for the night – as far away from the pen in the yard as possible. Daniel’s head drops and he doesn’t answer my question. He looks at Carter again and this time I see panic in his eyes.

“What is it?” I snap. Something has happened – something he doesn’t want to tell me. Daniel takes a breath and looks steadily at me, his expression sad.

“Jack, there’s nothing you can do. You should be resting. We’ll handle everything.” God, does anyone know how much I hate that tone of voice? You’d think they would know by now how much I hate it when someone beats around the bush.

“Just tell me what the hell is wrong!” Whatever it is, it’s bad. I can see it Daniel’s eyes. He’s worried and scared and he’s regretting the fact that he even showed his face to me. You’re not getting out of this one now, Daniel. He probably expected me to be passed out on the floor by now, not up on my feet ready to argue. He looks at Carter again and it just pisses me off even further. “Tell me, damn it!” I shout. Daniel seems to deflate and I know he understands that I won’t give up. I wait. Carter tenses, her arm tightening around my waist.

“One of the women,” he says softly. “She um… she found out that her parents and her brother were killed during the raid at the village.” Daniel stops and I know he doesn’t want to say anything more. Sorry, Daniel. I know it sucks to be the bearer of bad news but I need to know what happened.

“And…?”

“She uh… Jack, she found a knife and she….”

“Is she dead?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. He nods. “Toss me Teal’c’s jacket,” I tell him, pointing to it on the floor.

“Jack, I really don’t think…”

“Daniel.” He sighs again and looks at Carter.

“Should he be doing this?” he asks.

“No,” she says. I turn to glare at her but she continues before I can open my mouth to protest. “But you aren’t going to be able to talk him out of it.” Daniel shakes his head slowly and shrugs his shoulders slightly.

“Yeah, I suppose I should know better.” He bends down and picks up the jacket. “Just take it easy, Jack. Would you please?” I don’t comment as I take the jacket from his outstretched hand. Carter loosens her hold on me and after making sure I can stay upright, she helps me slip on the jacket.

“Where is she?” Daniel looks surprised by my question.

“Sir, you don’t need to see…”

“Yes, I do.” I take a step forward, ignoring the grinding pain in my knee. “Where is she?” I repeat.

“The building across the yard. Jack, it was already too late when they found her. What good is this going to do?”

I ignore Daniel’s question as well as Carter’s renewed effort to serve as a human crutch. I need to see her. I need to know which one….

Pushing the pain aside, I manage to get moving on my own. My lopsided half-hopping sort of shuffle isn’t graceful, but it’s working. With Carter and Daniel on either side of me like two worried parents watching a baby’s first steps, I make my way out of the Prime’s house and across the compound.

The room is familiar; the blood stained lash is still in the spot where the Prime tossed it when he was done with me. The room’s details are exactly as I remember them. It’s not a room I’ll easily forget. The latest addition isn’t hard to spot. The body, covered with a roughly woven blanket, lies along the far wall – a still bloodied knife lies next to it on the hard packed dirt floor.

“Jack, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this was where they…”

“I need to see her face,” I say, interrupting Daniel before he has to say the words that would complete that sentence. Carter steps in front of me and blocks my view.

“Sir, don’t do this,” she says, shaking her head. “This isn’t necessary.” I know she means well but she doesn’t understand. Carter and Daniel think they understand but they don’t. They can’t understand – not really. They hadn’t been there. They hadn’t seen….

“I owe her this,” I whisper. “Show me.” Carter hesitates, staring at me. “Show me,” I repeat. Finally, she nods slightly and steps aside. Turning to Daniel, she gestures toward the body.

Daniel looks unhappy, but he steps over to the far wall, kneels down, and slowly draws back the blanket. Beside me, Carter gasps. Daniel’s hand jerks back and he turns to look at me, his eyes wide. ‘One of the women,’ Daniel had said. He hadn’t known.

“She’s just a child,” Carter sounds horrified. Not a child, I want to tell her. Her childhood had ended the moment she had been dragged into that building.

I remember her, of course. The vivid purple bruise that covers one side of her face stands out in stark contrast to the bloodless pallor of her unblemished skin. Whoever placed her in here was careful to arrange her tattered clothes so that she was decently covered. Her hands, the same ones that had desperately clutched at those very same rags, were folded across her chest but the jagged slices in both wrists were still visible. She was Redhead’s first. The one he’d gloated about as he’d dragged her from the pen. The one he’d thrown at my feet.

I’m moving before I have time to think about it. Daniel stands as I reach his side. Before he can understand what I’m doing, I bend down and pick up the knife. Its bone handle fits comfortably in the palm of my hand and I turn and head through the door to the short corridor beyond.

“Whoa, Jack!” Daniel follows on my heels but I ignore him. “What are you doing?” There are only two cells and, thankfully, they are secured with a simple sliding bar. Daniel and Carter won’t have time to stop me. I stop in front of the right-hand door – the door to my cell – and slide back the bar. “Jack!” Daniel tries to grab my arm but I pull away from him and yank the door open.

Three men look up at me and not one of them is the man I’m looking for. I slam the door closed and slide the bolt home again. I try to sidestep Daniel and my knee almost buckles, causing me to hop a little to keep my balance. Daniel is blocking my path.

“Move.”

“Jack, what are you doing?”

“Move.”

“Give me the knife.” Daniel nods at the knife in my hand.

“No.” I try, again, to sidestep him and realize Carter is now standing beside me.

“Colonel, you can’t change what happened.”

“You don’t know what happened!” I shout at her. “You don’t have any idea what they went through.”

“Jack, we understand…”

“Damn it, Daniel, you don’t understand! The bastard laughed when he took her. He took that girl into a building. He beat her. He raped her. And when it was over, he threw her back into a cage and started again with another woman.”

“Killing him won’t change what happened.”

‘Killing him…’ That’s what they think I’m planning to do? Like I even have a plan anyway – I only know I need to find that son-of-a-bitch.

“He needs to know. I want him to know that I’m gonna see to it that he gets whatever is coming to him.”

“Do you need the knife for that?” Daniel’s voice is calm, but there’s just a hint of fear hidden in it as well. He holds out his hand, palm upturned. Oh, Daniel. Even after all this time, you still have no idea…

“If I really want to kill a man,” I say softly, my voice flat; “not having a knife in my hand isn’t going to stop me.”

Daniel lets his hand drop to his side. He stares at me for a long moment. Carter shifts beside me, but I don’t turn to look at her. Daniel looks away from me – towards Carter? – and, finally, steps aside.

It’s only a few short steps down the corridor to the cell door on the opposite side. Daniel and Carter follow behind me and I purposefully ignore them as I slide back the bolt barring the door. I pull it open…

“Damn it!” He’s not there. Three more raiders, one of them nursing an injured arm, but not the man I want to find. “Where are the others?” I ask, turning to Daniel.

“Maybe he’s already dead, Jack.” Daniel sounds almost hopeful. That would make things easier for you, wouldn’t it, Daniel?

“They are in the enclosure outside,” Carter says. Of course… I should have realized. I hadn’t noticed as I’d crossed the compound, but it made sense. No other place was big enough to hold them all.

I close the door to the cell and slide the bar back into place. Ignoring the knee, I turn and walk back down the corridor into the outer room. I notice the girl’s body has been covered again. Carter must have taken care of it while I was checking out that first cell. I don’t need to see her again anyway. The image is already clear in my mind.

Stepping outside, I head to the left and the far end of the compound. Evidently, word has spread. Several of the villagers have wandered out into the compound. Is it out of curiosity? Do they want to see what the strange off-worlder is going to do to fix a situation that’s gotten so screwed up? Hell, I wouldn’t blame them if they wanted to pitch a few stones of their own at me. I’d told them we’d help protect them, be their allies, help improve their way of life – all in exchange for the naquadah still remaining in their soil.

What have they gotten so far?

Death and mayhem.

Grief and pain.

Another dead child.

Jack O’Neill’s usual gifts to the universe.

The pen now holds the fifteen or so remaining raiders. Teal’c is there, standing near the gate with his staff weapon in hand.

“O’Neill, should you not be resting?”

“Open it, Teal’c.” Carter and Daniel move up to stand beside me. Teal’c pays them no attention. His gaze is fixed on me. I wait.

When Teal’c slowly inclines his head towards me, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. Teal’c releases the latch that holds the gate shut and swings it open. Without hesitation, I step inside and Teal’c moves to block the open entrance.

Most of the raiders are sprawled out on the ground, some are injured – a few of them look bad. I don’t see Redhead, but a few are hidden in the shadows, beyond the spill of the torchlight. Several of the raiders slowly rise to their feet, seemingly understanding that something’s up. I scan the faces, looking for the too familiar tint of red in beard and hair. There… in the shadows. He’s just getting up as I spot him. Sorry, Daniel. He’s alive.
Crossing the space between us, I stop in front of him. There’s not a mark on the bastard, and… he’s still wearing my damn boots. I know Carter, Daniel, and Teal’c are watching me – wondering what I’m going to do next. Now that I’m here, I’m wondering about that myself. Redhead’s gaze is steady. Is he that confident – or that stupid?

“You are fortunate your people arrived when they did,” he tells me, “You would not have lasted much longer. What a pity they did not arrive any sooner,” he continues, grinning, “perhaps they could have done something to save the young one from her disgrace.”
Stupid.

I’m moving before he gets his mouth closed.

“Jack!” Daniel’s shout isn’t fast enough. Forgetting the knee, I plow into the smart-assed bastard. As I throw my body into him, I slam the palm of my knife-free hand into his throat and chin, snapping his head back. We fall in a heap, a tangle of arms and legs, but I’ve got him pinned with my body weight. He’s struggling and thrashing about – an elbow connects with my broken rib, making breathing painful. I slam my hand into his throat again and shove the back of his head into the dirt. I’d love to break his goddamned neck, but, instead, I ease the knife-edge into a sensitive position.

He goes still.

Okay, maybe he’s not as stupid as he seems.

“How would you like the disgrace of having your manhood sliced off you son-of-a-bitch?” I jab the knife a little deeper… just enough to really get his attention. It’s very effective. His eyes widen and he makes a strangled sort of sound as he tries to slide away. “Uh uh,” I whisper. “You aren’t going anywhere just yet.” Another jab with the knife – I hope I draw blood this time – and he closes his eyes and goes still again.

“Uh, Jack…”

“Not now, Daniel,” I snap. Redhead opens his eyes again.

“Kill me cleanly,” he rasps.

“You don’t deserve a clean death,” I tell him. “Why shouldn’t you be reminded of what you did to that girl during your last hours? Why shouldn’t I see how many ways I can make you scream?” Damn. I want to hear him scream. I want to watch him suffer. Maybe then, I’ll stop hearing her screams. Maybe then, I’ll stop picturing the look on her face as she came out of that building.

“Kuranel?” The voice startles me; she’s right behind me.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” I shout. “Teal’c, get her out of here.”

“This is not your task. Kuranel, do not do this.”

“Why not?” I ask her. “Go look at that child and tell me why the hell not. Damn it! After what you went through yourself, how can you tell me it shouldn’t be done?”

“I did not say that it should not be done. I said it is not your task.”

Ah. I really like that girl. I grin at the expression that appears on Redhead’s face when he realizes what she is saying.

“Kuranel, it is our right to decide his fate.”

There’s something in the way she says it that makes me risk a glance over my shoulder. She’s standing there, looking down at us, her face hard. She’s not alone. All of the women are there. Watching. Waiting. Battered, but not broken.

I turn my head back around to look him in the eye.

“I think you’re gonna wish they had left it up to me,” I say with a laugh. I sit up, releasing the pressure of the knife in his groin and letting go of his throat. “Take them off,” I add, as I get to my feet.

He’s still on the ground, one hand massaging his throat – which is already starting to develop a nice sized bruise.

“Take them off,” I repeat, knowing he understands perfectly well what I’m asking him to do. He nods and slowly sits up. I watch as he unties the laces and slips the boots off. I hold out my empty hand and he hands them over to me.

Without a word, I turn away from him and walk back towards the gate and my team. The women follow me, also not speaking. Teal’c moves to close and secure the gate. Carter still looks worried; Daniel just looks relieved. I walk up to Daniel and hand him the knife. He blinks at me and looks down at the bloodstained knife in his hand.

“Jack, I uh…” Daniel’s voice trails off as he stares at the knife. What’s the matter, Daniel? Feeling sorry because you thought I might lose it back there? I know he expects me to make a joke or to tell him not to worry about it, but my ribs hurt like hell and I’m starting to feel every one of my bruises. I just don’t have the energy. Without waiting for Daniel to stammer out his version of an apology, I just turn away and start limping back to the Prime’s home and the promise of a fur-covered pallet on the floor.

With the adrenalin rush vanishing quickly, it seems like a long walk. It’s a relief to finally make it back to the building and I’m inside before I realize Carter has followed me.
“Carter, I’m gonna get some sleep. I don’t need a baby-sitter.”

“No, Sir, but I thought you might want something to eat.”

Food. I consider the thought as I ease myself down to the floor. Damn, that knee really hurts. Carter begins picking up the trash from our first-aid session and shoving unused bandages and left-over gauze back into a med-pack.

“I don’t know,” I answer her. “What’s on the menu?”

“The MRE of your choice,” she says, smiling slightly.

“Fine.” My less than enthusiastic response causes the smile to disappear. She closes up the med-pack and stands up.

“It won’t take long,” she explains – as if I don’t know how long it takes to heat up an MRE. I nod and she heads out the door back into the main room. It better not take long; I’m fading fast.

I look at my boots on the floor beside me. Bastard. I wonder what the villagers have planned for him and the others. Whatever it is… I hope it’s unpleasant. I rub my feet on one of the furs that cover the floor, trying to wipe off the muck and grime. I should’ve asked Carter if someone has an extra pair of socks.

Oh well, I can do without.

Slipping my feet back into my boots – even sans socks – is a very satisfying feeling. In fact, it’s almost as satisfying as wrapping my fingers around Redhead’s throat had been. Damn, that had felt good – too good. Killing him would have been easy and I might have even felt better – for a while at least. Anyway, it’s probably better to let the villagers handle things for themselves. In the meantime, I’ll just keep telling myself that his days are numbered.

I wonder if the raiders will be taken back to the village or simply dealt with right here. I’ll have to ask tomorrow. If they take them back, they’ll need some help finding a way to keep them locked up and secure. Depending on how many of the men died in the raid, the villagers might need some extra muscle.

I’ll recommend to Hammond that we send a few teams back through to lend a hand. They might be needed for burial detail as well. A medical team might be a good idea also. I’ll have to talk to Dr. Frasier, see if I can persuade her to come herself. Someone needs to check out the women. Where the hell is Carter with that MRE?

“Carter?” Although a meal would be great right now, I’m just about ready to crash. A few hours of oblivion will improve my mood and I can deal with the rest of this crap in the morning.

“Sir, are you okay?” she asks, coming to stand in the doorway.

“Just wondering what was taking the chef so long,” I tell her.

“Sorry, Sir. It’s not very hot yet.”

“Bring it anyway. I don’t care if it’s hot.” She nods and disappears again. Sighing, I shift my position on the floor, trying to find a way to sit without making everything hurt. The headache isn’t getting any better either.

Carter reappears and comes over to join me on the floor. She has two MREs. One she hands to me; the other she keeps for herself. At my questioning look, she shrugs.

“I haven’t had time until now,” she tells me. Of course not. She’d been to busy pulling my ass out of the fire – again.

I turn my attention the MRE – lukewarm beef stew. I don’t care. It’s not the first time I’ve eaten a barely warmed MRE. Hell, I’ve had them cold more times than I care to remember.
I catch Carter glancing at my booted feet.

“What?” I ask, around a mouthful of stew. “I had to get them back. Breaking in a new pair takes too long.”

“Well, now that you have them back, maybe you’ll stay off your feet long enough to get some rest.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Good, because Janet is going to kill us both if you don’t. You shouldn’t have been up at all, much less…” She hesitates, as if suddenly realizing where the conversation is going.
“Much less trying to kill a man?”

“I didn’t mean…” She suddenly very interested in the remains of her MRE.

“Carter…” She looks up at me again.

“I didn’t think you would,” she says.

“Oh really? There was a moment when I wasn’t so sure myself,” I tell her, remembering when I’d wanted nothing more than to snap his neck.

“There was a moment when I wanted you to do it,” she says softly.

Ah, Carter. How could I have ever made the mistake of pegging you as just another scientist?

“That poor child,” she continues. “She couldn’t have been much older than Cassie.”

Damn. Lukewarm beef stew is losing its appeal. I recall shouting at her – telling her she had no idea what the women had been through – and I feel even crappier. I hadn’t really thought about what Carter – or Daniel either for that matter – might be feeling. Daniel’s usual earnest concern had only pissed me off and I’d lashed out without really thinking.
“I’m sorry,” I say, tossing aside the nearly empty MRE packet. I’m sorry for getting us into this mess in the first place, sorry that you had to figure out a way to get me back, sorry that you blame yourself for not getting here sooner, sorry that you’ll have to live with the memory a dead girl….

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she says. As if that would make it go away for either of us. “I should let you get some sleep.”

Carter gets to her feet, picking up my MRE packet as well as her own.

“What about you? Have you slept at all?” I’m already stretching out on my stomach before she reaches the doorway.

“I’ll sleep soon, Sir. I just want to check on a few things first.” She pulls the torch out of the bracket on the wall.

“Great. Uh… Carter, would you check on the women for me – make sure they’re settled in for the night?” Sighing, I let my eyes close – it feels wonderful to finally lie down.

“I was planning to, Colonel. Sleep well.” Briefly, I think about trying to respond to her comment, but it’s easier just to let myself drift away.

* * * * *

Doctor Frasier is crying hysterically, her normally calm demeanor shattered.

“How could you let this happen to her, Colonel?” She’s screaming at me. I don’t know how to respond. “It’s your fault!” Frasier advances on me, her eyes wild, her hands clenched in tight fists. She pounds her fists against my chest and I wince at the renewed bloom of pain from my broken rib. “She was only a child!”

“Colonel, you should have killed him,” Carter admonishes.

“You should have stopped him, Jack. Why did you let him hurt her?” Daniel holds a bloody knife in his outstretched hand.

“We possessed the tactical advantage of superior skills and weaponry. Why were you unable to prevent the attack?”

I turn and see Teal’c at the top of the gate ramp, cradling a small and very still form in his arms. As he strides slowly down the ramp, Frasier crumples to the floor. Teal’c stops in front of me and holds out his arms. I look down and see Cassie’s lifeless body – a large bruise covers one side of her face.

“Colonel O’Neill, I expect a full report on my desk ASAP. I want to know just what in the hell happened!” General Hammond glares down at me from the control room. “I hope you can explain how a simple mission got so screwed up in such a short amount of time!”
“I’m sorry, Sir,” I say, helplessly. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

“Sorry…” I sit up quickly, breathing hard – trying to shake off the dream images. So much for sleeping well. I look around. In the dim light cast from the fire pit in the other room, I can make out the sleeping forms of both Daniel and Carter. I must have been out for some time.

I need to get outta here. I need to move. I’m stiff and sore all over, but I manage to get to my feet and stumble through the open doorway without falling on top of my sleeping teammates. Sitting in the near darkness of the other room doesn’t appeal to me either so I keep going until I’m out the door and in the open.

The air is chilly and I take a deep breath, glad to be awake if not quite clearheaded just yet. Damn nightmare. It’s not the first one I’ve ever had – hell, it’s not even the worst thing my subconscious has ever dragged out of the depths of my psyche – but the feelings it dredged up won’t go away.

The rational part of my mind knows I didn’t let my team down… that I didn’t disappoint everyone that counts on me. The only person truly let down is one Colonel Jack O’Neill. Excuses, explanations, rationalizations – none of them change the fact that I dropped the ball, and people died because of it.

The sky is starting to lighten; it’s nearly dawn. The torches are still burning at the far end of the compound. Teal’c will be there. Maybe he knows whether the villagers will be hauling the raiders back with us today. I’m awake now; I might as well make myself useful again.
The knee seems a little better. It still aches like hell, but at least I can put some weight on it without collapsing in a heap. Teal’c watches me as I approach. I wonder if he’s been standing there all night long. Knowing Teal’c, he probably has been.

“O’Neill, you are awake.”

“Good morning to you too, Teal’c.”

“I do not believe you should be active yet.”

“Come on, Teal’c. A few hours of sleep and I’m a new man.”

“Your body endured considerable physical stress. It is not a weakness to allow yourself time to heal.”

He wasn’t going to let it drop. Teal’c, you’re the master of understatement. ‘Considerable physical stress,’ is certainly one way to describe what happened.

“I’ve slept long enough,” I tell him. “I’ve got things to do.” Teal’c is silent. He just stands there, staring at me. “Don’t you think someone should start planning our next move? I’ve need to figure out what we’re gonna do to help the villagers get this mess straightened out. An extra hour of sleep or so isn’t going to do me much good anyway.”

“Was your sleep troubled?”

Damn. Sometimes I forget just how long Teal’c’s been around. Of course he’d be able to guess why I might not want to think about sleeping right now. What soldier wouldn’t be familiar with bad dreams after a mission gone wrong? Does Teal’c dream when he enters kel’no’reem? If so, I pity him. I can’t begin to imagine the hellish nightmares that service to Apophis might bring.

“You are a skilled and capable warrior, O’Neill. You should not blame yourself for the way in which events have unfolded. In any battle, there many things happen which are beyond a warrior’s control. It is a difficult lesson to learn, but not, I think, one with which you are unfamiliar.”

“Yeah,” I say softly. “Shit happens.” One eyebrow lifts and Teal’c nods his head slightly.

“Indeed.”

That pretty much sums it up. Shit happens… but can someone please tell me why the hell it always happens to Jack O’Neill?

“So, Teal’c… has anybody given any thought to how we’re gonna get everybody back to the village?”

* * * * *

“Carter, dial us out.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Jack, do you really think General Hammond will send someone to help them?”

“He’ll send someone,” I tell Daniel. My report will see to that. We’d have been sending a follow-up team through anyway and it wouldn’t be difficult to make certain they were prepped for a little bit of policing duty as well as for diplomatic negotiation.

“It looks like their going to have two villages to deal with instead of only one,” Daniel adds. “Some of the families are considering making a permanent move across the pass. There’s only so much room left in the valley anyway.” Talk about poetic justice. The raiders had been after the land in the valley and had lost their own instead.

The gate flares to life.

“I’m sending the code now, Sir.” Carter keys the buttons on her GDO and nods at me.
“Let’s go,” I order, stepping forward. Carter waits for me at the top of the steps. Daniel and Teal’c are right behind me. I stop at the top of the steps only long enough to make sure I step across the event horizon with my good leg first – I don’t want to collapse on the gate ramp if my knee decides to give out when I hit the other side.

There’s the sudden wrenching feeling, the disorientation, and then the glare of lights and the familiar sound of klaxons as I rematerialize in the gate room. Ingrained habit has me automatically moving to the bottom of the ramp to make room for the rest of the team as they come through mere moments later.

I look upward at the control room’s observation window. General Hammond frowns and leans toward the microphone.

“Welcome back, SG-1. Colonel O’Neill, what the hell happened to you out there?”
“Ah, you know me, General. Just the usual – some angry natives, a few sticks and stones… a few broken bones. It’s nothing new, Sir. It will all be in my report.” I wave my hand casually at him and ignore Carter shaking her head at me.

“I think the report can wait until Doctor Frasier has checked you out, Colonel. Report immediately to the medical lab.

“Yes, Sir.”

* * * * *

“Colonel, Janet’s right,” Carter says. “You really should stay here for at least tonight.”
“You know the drill, Sir. A twenty-four hour observation, just to make certain you’re going to be alright, and then we can talk about what happens next.” Frasier makes a notation on my medical chart and shakes her head. “There’s still a chance of infection as well.”

“When are you taking the medical team through?”

“The General gave us the go ahead for tomorrow morning,” she says, looking at Carter. I open my mouth but she puts up a hand and interrupts me before I can say a word. “Before you ask, there is no way that I’m letting you go back that soon. Colonel, we can handle it.”
“We?” I ask. Carter shrugs.

“I asked General Hammond if I could be part of Janet’s team. The women already know me, Sir. They might be more comfortable with a familiar face around.”

“Good idea,” I say, nodding. “So,” I add, looking back to Dr. Frasier, “you’ll leave orders with your staff saying I can get out of bed tomorrow.”

“Not so fast, Colonel,” she warns. “I’ll be back long before your twenty-fours are up. Besides, you really should stay off of that knee as much as possible.”

“It’s feeling much better already,” I argue, playing my part in our never-ending little game.
“That would be the meds kicking in,” she reminds me. “I don’t think you’ll be feeling too much for awhile. I figured you might need something that would help you get some sleep.”
Yeah, I just might. Had Teal’c been talking to the Doc? I can’t remember seeing them talk, but he might have found the time while I was enduring countless x-rays and yet another MRI.

“That’s cheating,” I say jokingly. “Drugging the patient just to make him more co-operative isn’t playing fair.”

“Now, Colonel… no one ever told me I had to play fair.”

“Couldn’t you have pity on a poor old broken-down Colonel just this once?”

Dr. Frasier just shakes her head and Carter laughs.

“Sir, you might be a little banged up and battered around the edges, but you’re not broken,” Carter says, smiling. “Not broken by far.”